Maintaining red hair: I need major help

Is your hair all virgin/natural? Semi dye doesn't tend to stick to virgin hair very long; a couple of washes at most. If you don't want to bleach, you can try "softening" your hair by applying peroxide for 5-10 minutes and rinsing it off before applying the dye. That should help it stick batter.
I don't use many reds but the best way of obtaining a true red is to mix a pink and  orange reds.

It sounds to me like you suffer from dry scalp, i think its called seborrehic dermatitis. My brother and my boyfriend have it. It is very similar to dandruff except it is not caused by a fungus so you have it all the time. It gives you white flakes ( dandruff produces greyish-yellow flakes) and itchy scalp. They said it got better by using sulphate free shampoos rather than anti dandruff which can sometimes make it worse. And my brother also uses a palmers roots spray which helps with his itchiness.
I was like you with washing everyday until i decided to stop that. I wash it every three days now, it took my hair 2 weeks to get used to it and in the mean time i used a lot of dry shampoo.

actually my hairs been through a lot, the bottoms are very dead, I was blonde for a while. but the top half of my hair hasn't been bleached but I have dyed it red, and I did try the loreal red highlight (which doesn't need bleach first) It was a good color for a little while but it faded out rather quickly. I do notice though that my ends fade out way quicker, all this time I thought the bleach might have been bad for the color sticking. I will definitely look into different shampoo and see if that works out for me. so for the future, I should bleach my hair first to help it stick better?

Bleaching your hair will make the dye last longer before it fades. I also have the seborrehic dermatitis thing and have found that co washing (washing just using non silicone based conditioner instead of shampoo) has really helped my scalp as well as helping dye last longer.

Are you using permanent or semi dyes? Permanent reds tend to be brown based and fade fast so if you're using one of those, you might want to bleach your virgin hair and use a true semi such as SFX, Directions, Manic Panic or Adore for example. You'll get a true red by mixing an orange based red and a pink based red together. Semis over bleach last so much longer than permanent reds.

If your ends are fading more quickly, it's because the bleach has damaged them.  Don't bleach the ends.

The L'Oreal Hi-Lights are misleading.  You are using a strong peroxide to lift the base colour, which is as bad as bleach, really.  What colours do you use regularly?  Semi-permanent reds last far longer than permanent ones.

Lastly, about your hair.  I have a patch of psoriasis on my scalp, and I tried lots of different things to fix it (including tar shampoo).

The only thing that helped it was switching to SLS-free shampoos.  I didn't realise that the harsh ingredients of the other shampoos--even normal shampoos--were just irritating the hell out of my scalp.  I can't use anything stronger than SLS-free now, or that patch flares right up and starts itching and hurting like crazy.  A lot of people on here with scalp issues have said the same, that SLS-free or CO washing fixed their scalp problems, because the problem was that their scalp was just way too sensitive for the harsh anti-dandruff treatments.