Have A Good Old Moan....

I'm feeling super self-conscious because one of my friends, a photographer, has asked just about everyone I know to model for her - except me. Stupid thing to be upset about, but meh :/

Naomi - are the other people who've been asked to model over 16?  Maybe it's to do with the fact that you're still legally underage, and most photographers won't use models who are under 16.

She's not a professional, and we're all at least 16, so it can't be that :/ Oh well. I'm not that photogenic anyway, I guess.

Ah yes, I forgot it was your 16th birthday recently!  Maybe she just didn't think you'd be interested in doing it?  Sometimes people just make assumptions without thinking about how that will be perceived by other people.

She's not a professional, and we're all at least 16, so it can't be that :/ Oh well. I'm not that photogenic anyway, I guess.

You are fine sweety. I think it's what Mindi says, she probably thought you wouldn't want to. Don't get upset and Happy Birthday!!! (a bit delayed )

I don't like the x factor, but unfortunately because it's everywhere I have heard about that Essex guy Rylan. I actually saw his audition on the show when he had white blond hair and extensions (because I caught my husband watching the show!). Anyway, I see he now has shorter dyed black hair.

My rant is, I saw an "article" online somewhere (perhaps heat magazine) talking about his hair, and they quoted him saying that the hair dressers for x factor where going to dye his hair from the dyed black back to white blond in A DAY.

1 day.
It really annoyed me. I don't know if they did yet, cause I don't follow any of that. It just annoyed me that these people make it seem that that's achievable and ok to do!

Stoopid.

My best mate is moving to Thailand tomorrow for a year :(:( le sad.

My hair is smelling like egg farts after the colour b4 🙁

my landlord is coming for an inspection on sunday and i cannot be bothered with cleaning plus my cats are fugitives from her law and they ripped a leather chair. oh god. please dont let me be homeless soon lol

*sigh* what the bloomin hells up with me, always getting jealous and paranoid over like, nothing and then feeling like utter s**te after.. uuuuuuuugh any tips on getting over it?

I used to be like that alllll the time, but I just... grew out of it!

sometimes you gotta just sit back and think 'what the bloody hell am I moaning at?!' and then make sure when any thought comes into your head of that sort, nip it right in the bud, that's what helped/helps me anyway! I go by the wise words of bowling for soup's song shut up and smile- 'Does life really suck or are we just complaining?'  😛

*sigh* what the bloomin hells up with me, always getting jealous and paranoid over like, nothing and then feeling like utter s**te after.. uuuuuuuugh any tips on getting over it?

im the same, its really frustrating

*sigh* what the bloomin hells up with me, always getting jealous and paranoid over like, nothing and then feeling like utter s**te after.. uuuuuuuugh any tips on getting over it?

I think to a certain level everyone is the same, we all have moments where we are prone to being jealous of others and way too self conscious. I think it's all a matter of self confidence when that happens : you feel crappy about yourself (unconsciously most of the time), therefore you focalize on everything that seems to be right about others, and you forget that you, as a unique being, are awesome as well. It happens to me all the time, and I think that the key is just to accept that feeling and then to let it go, there's no point in beating yourself up for those kinds of thoughts, because it's a totally human reaction.

You are beautiful, respect yourself and remember that even if you feel you have lots of flaws, you will always be special because you believe in yourself. 😉

Also, in those moments, reading books like "Turning your mind into an ally" and "Ruling your World" by Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche (a shambhala buddhist teacher) really helps. They're just really really good books to help you work with your mind. 😀

thanks guys, i do try and just be like "but why does her talking to him matter, he's with me" but then i'm like... no.. she can't be trusted. bah.

he's twigged that i'm like this though and says he'll adapt, but that's not good cause, should be me adapting to getting over it not him. ahhh stupid emotions, who needs em anywayyy

I noticed the other day that my husband is no longer following me on twitter.  This in itself wouldn't bother me very much, because I mostly use twitter for advertising purposes for my business, so it's probably not something that my husband really needs popping up in his twitter feed all the time.  However, add to this the fact that two days ago he was having a twitter conversation with a p**n star (I say 'star', I don't think she's famous at all, but she does make p**n) about weight training, and the fact that he went out of his way to tell me that some of the tweets he sent probably sounded flirty but weren't intended that way.  So I got a bit suspicious.  I looked at his twitter profile (his public profile, I didn't log in as him), and looked at who he's following.  I get that he's massively into strongman training, and that his training is a massive part of his life, and I get that some of the people he's following and interacting with are women who are also into weight training, which is fine.  I'm not a jealous person, and I don't have a problem with him having friends who are women.  But he's also following various p**n stars/fetish models as well as one of his ex-girlfriends who he freely admits is a 'slag'.  Now I'm wondering if he stopped following me because he didn't want me to see who's on his profile (not realising that it's public anyway and he doesn't have to be following me for me to be able to see it).  He used to tell me that since he met me, he didn't even think of other women in a sexual or romantic way anymore, but now it appears this has changed.  I'm not at all jealous, but I am now incredibly sad.  It disturbs me that I don't share the biggest interest in his life (weight training).  I tried, but I will never enjoy exercise, in any way, shape or form.  I joined the gym, in the hope that I could go and do some training with him and share in some of it, but everytime I suggested he go to the gym with me to help me with some training, he'd come up with an excuse about why he didn't want to do it.  It disturbs me that he can have in-depth conversations with other women (who I consider to be much more attractive than myself since I am not happy with my size at the moment) about training and that I can't share in this part of his life.  It also makes me very insecure, as a larger sized woman, that he is now socialising with a load of ripped gym bunny types.  

EDIT: It's times like these that I wish all of my friends weren't scattered across the globe, and that I actually had close friends who live nearby!

EDIT again: Not only has he stopped following me on Twitter, he's also blocked me from following him.