Have A Good Old Moan....

Hair extension shopping is stressing me out. And I've run out of chocolates.

So I just accidentally clicked on a document on my boyfs comp, which appears to be a list of things he wants to sort out before the year is out. However one of those things is deciding if I'm worth staying with considering the distance and the fact he wants to go travelling. He has never even hinted that he might have even thought about breaking up with me.

So I'm sitting here a bit teary waiting for him to come back from work so I can talk to him. I really really don't want him to break up with me 🙁 We haven't even had a serious type convo like this before because everythings been so perfect, I honestly have no idea how to do this

I'm sorry, piestar.  I hope the talk last night went ok.

I got sick from this idiotic weather 🙁
I am so nervous about my university that i watch nightmares that i fail my exams oh god how people manage to study in other countries it's so hard!

Bwah, the girl sitting next to me in college has officially fried her hair beyond repair! 3 box dyes in one month (2 red & 1 black) and today she has just paraded in with the most horrid bleach job ever, huge black parts, and mostly dark orange and a bit of dark blonde. She wants to go bright red, but it's so ruined. I warned her and she didn't listen! I am so annoyed (I know I shouldn't be) but why ask for advice and then not follow it. How can you address someone like this and tell them that their hair is fried with no redemption without sounding like a pretentious witch???

Besides that I have to go for another brain scan soon and I'm worried and my psych problems are on overdrive...I'm going to break soon

Gunna have a whine too!
Went to a party on friday, where a guy i like was there, it started off well even though he was incredibly drunk, we were flirting and getting along, i get drunk and we end up kissing. Woo! Apart from after that he starts blanking me for the whole night, anyway weekend past and he doesn't say a thing to me, and i walked past him and all his mates today and he doesn't say hi or anything and all his mates are like heckling me almost... Ugh it'd be nice if stuff like this didn't happen. Anyway teenage girl moan over

Piestar- How did you accidentally click on an unidentified document? Unfortunately, it sounds like you were snooping, and that isn't cool. I'm sorry things have been rough for you, and I'm sure it'll work out for the best.

I've been researching and contacting lawyers on behalf of my crazy ex's mother. It's not my responsibility, but he's agreed to see a doctor and get a diagnosis. His mum is in love with me because I'm willing to help. I really think he's schizophrenic. The police tasered him for trying to avoid them. They were just going to bring him in for the night to get him off the street, but he had been in fear for weeks here that his friends were trying to have him taken away. An undiagnosed, untreated schizophrenic does not need jail or a nasty conviction following them around forever.

I haven't even talked to him. Just his mum and 2 out of 5 brothers. I want to run out there and take care of him, but I'm afraid it would just make things worse. Staying put for now...

Hey! It was RIGHT in the corner on his desktop next to the start button, I genuinely was a bit clumsy and clicked that instead, bear in mind it was 1am and I was tired eyed... wasn't like I was scanning through his document folder looking for... I don't even know >_> I trust him, I don't 'snoop'. He's not even said he thinks that's what I was doing 🙁

It's fine, I just bought it up with him when we got back and he said it was just a short phaze when he was genuinely convinced it wasn't going to work- but it was a while ago and he decided I was defo worth keeping. I told him I was a bit miffed he didn't speak to me about it, and he said he would in future. So (as usual) I guess I panicked and worried a bit too much 😛

Heh, I click on the wrong folder ALL the time! Most time I'm going to open one thing I click on something else. Glad it was ok in the end 🙂

I'm getting a bit miffed with people expecting to get everything I send really quickly. I don't run the post office or customs 🙁

My moan is a lot of things but I will try to shorten it:

My boyfriend is going on vacation for a month, and I can't come with because I have school.

School sucks, and I suck at it. Basically. My confidence is at an all time low because whatever I do it's never good enough. I go do a graphic design school, and I'm not really good at it, but everyone else is, so I'm getting "looks" from the other classmates everytime I show my work 🙁

I'm just.. in such a bad mood all the time nowadays 🙁

Maybe it's more that you're different than that you're not good? I've just finished a Graphic Communication degree and for the entire time I was there I thought I wasn't good at it and I got looks from people that made me feel inferior. Turns out that I was just different.

I'm not good at typography and my layout can be a bit scrappy at times but I'm much better at ideas and concepts. Loads of people have been interested in my portfolio or wanting to give me an internship and for ages I didn't know why because I thought there was at least 10 people I was with at uni who were better than me. Thing is, if everyone is good at doing the same thing then it's not that special... I hope that sort of makes sense, maybe try and identify something within what you do that you are improving at or feel more free to follow something that actually interests you. I was pretty poor until I stopped doing type/layout stuff and started doing more interactive/installation stuff.

(Mini moan - my roller skates haven't passed customs yet and I'm waiting for Parcel force to charge me a holding fee. I want them!!!)

Daftscrawl: Thank you, you made me feel much better. It's nice (well not nice, but you know) to hear that I'm not alone in feeling like this. It feels like they're doing "their thing" and I'm doing mine. Perhaps you're right, and I'll try to bring up more what defines me?

That could be a good start, after all if you're not doing something you want to do and trying to something they like doing then you're probably not going to be as good as them at it.

It's like at the moment I'm interning at an Advertising agency, I'm not as good as anyone here because I really can't get excited about coming up with ways of getting people to buy more stuff they don't need.

I am drowning in exams and school stress. I won't pass this year if I keep failing maths 🙁

My former internet provider messed up by not cancelling my contract as I requested, so now I owe them a further £80 on top of the £140 I've sent them already to cancel 🙁

Also, my anti-anxiety meds don't appear to be working so well any more 🙁