Feeling like awful person for having boyfriend envy, has anyone experienced it?

It sounds more like you need to learn some lessons from her. It is possible to change your own behaviour, so you should probably try that 🙂

I agree totally with Janine, you have identified why this person gets treated with more respect than you, by emulating her behaviour you will get a similar response from others.
It sounds to me like you are having a hard time generally with confidence and self esteem. Stop thinking about boyfriends and concentrate on doing whatever you need to do to become happy. When you are happy and confident you will naturally attract other happy confident people. Have a chat with your friend, see if she can help you to see what changes you can make in your own life.

Do you know what? You're not a disgusting person. You're a human being - with faults, shortcomings and insecurities. Just like every other human being on the planet.

The thing that you should be proud of, is that you recognise these shortcomings. Millions of people don't - so take that as a positive.

There are several things I think you could focus on here.

1. I guarantee your friend has her own insecurities about your relationships. They will be different to yours, but they'll be there.
2. You recognise what your insecurities are. That's a massive achievement. So rather than beating yourself up about them, put your energy into thinking about what you could do differently to change your behaviour.  Maybe make a list of the things your envious of in your friend's relationship, and then think about how you could apply those principles to you.
3. Don't ever forget that you are who you are, and she is who she is. You've had different upbringing, life experiences, and have different aspirations for life.  Neither is right or wrong - they're just different.  Celebrate who YOU are, rather than comparing yourself to others.  If you do that you'll never be happy. Accepting yourself is critical.

(Can you tell I've been through this process myself?!)

You're not a disgusting person. You are you. Learn from others, but don't try to be them cos you'll never succeed.

Good luck and big hugs. Xx

I agree with what everyone else is saying.  You seem really insecure and like you don't have the self confidence to just simply be who you are--everyone else's opinion matters more to you than your own.

People pick up on that behaviour, and it tends to attract jerks who like to take advantage of others, either emotionally or physically.  Like attracts like.  You feel that you are an emotional wreck who only attracts jerks, and that's what will happen.  If you don't feel you are worth more than the bottom rung, then the bottom rung is all that you're going to bring in to your circle.

If you respect yourself and your opinions, then others will respect you more, and you will find someone who treats you like you deserve.  If you love who you are as a person and don't really care about what other people think, that puts out a vibe that you are confident and you won't accept anything less than what you deserve--which usually makes the jerks stay away.

Stop focusing on other people's approval, and stop getting down on yourself.  I've noticed in this, and many of your other posts, you are very negative and critical, particularly of yourself.  Focus instead on loving yourself and trusting yourself, forget about others opinions and don't compare them to yourself, and once you've got that down, respect from others will just fall in to place.