Decision making

Lily  :-*

Longer-distance relationships are so difficult, but it really sounds like it would be so much more cost-effective to live together.  It's a shame he doesn't feel it's time yet!

I remember really enjoying living on my own, having my own space, but it did get a bit samey.  I was older than you are, but I felt like I got into a rut living alone, in the US.  That's when I met some friends in the UK and for once, I was finally excited about something, I moved to London and did something completely different with my life.

I suppose when you want to see bigger changes, it's sometimes satisfying to make little ones, like you mention getting a pet or doing your hair.  Do you know for sure your boss will hate it?  Are you in a job that you shouldn't have an alternative hair colour, or is it just your boss?

You mentioned flat-sharing too... I knew it wasn't for me because I liked my own space, but it might be a great idea for you!

Can you get a new piercing or a tattoo?  I did both when I lived alone!  Ha ha ...

I think moving in with a partner for financial reasons is a bad idea. I have seen so many good relationships go wrong because they have moved in together too soon.
I don't think moving back in with your parents should be seen as a retrograde step. If it will make you happy and free up more money to spend on visiting your boyfriend it might be the perfect solution.

Pets are great, but they are a huge tie, especially dogs. Maybe get a small pet first, rats are great company (very clever, you can teach them tricks) or a pair of guinea pigs or a rabbit if you have the space. Birds can be great company too. Maybe there is a dogs home that you could volunteer at, I know in the UK they are always grateful for people walking the dogs. Or even a neighbour who works full-time, who would be grateful for you taking their dog out. That way you get all the fun of taking a dog out but none of the responsibility. I miss out on a lot of trips and spontaneous outings because I have dogs.

Ask your boss straight out if you can dye your hair the colour you want. If he says no, ask him what colour he would find acceptable and work out a compromise. I think Alexia's idea of a new piercing or tattoo is a great one, you can always have it somewhere no-one can see if work are likely to be difficult.

Thank you.
It wouldn't be more cost-effective to move in with him, actually the train ticket would cost nearly what my current flat costs. My reasoning is simply that I feel better when I'm with him, and that I don't feel "at home" in my flat.

I suppose when you want to see bigger changes, it's sometimes satisfying to make little ones, like you mention getting a pet or doing your hair.  Do you know for sure your boss will hate it?  Are you in a job that you shouldn't have an alternative hair colour, or is it just your boss?

I think that might be it, I need a change in something. Or adventure. I'm kinda constantly looking for "something new".
I don't want a tattoo, and I'm a bit scared of piercings +  I don't even wear my ear rings anymore.
I think I'll try to talk to my boss again, maybe I can get an undercolour or something at least. I don't have customer contact or anything, he just says that everyone in the company will talk bad about me, they're very conservative (we build agricultural machines, so most come from agriculture).

Wicked Pixie, that's funny, my mum just had the same idea about going out with a dog and I was excited and hopeful and after I looked around... well the local pet shelter is "moving" so currently noone can walk the dogs, and the Internet is full of people looking to walk dogs but noone with a dog looking for people O.o
But yeah, you're right, I don't really want to be bound to stay home if something happens just because pets.
I'm thinking about just going to the pet shelter and asking about any pet but I'm kinda scared because I don't have a specific question or anything...
But I wonder how big rat cages are, maybe I could take a cage with me if I took the car every time...

I strongly recommend ferrets for pets! They're absolutely hilarious and if you're feeling bored or lonely in your flat just get them out for a play or a cuddle. I've had my 3 for about 3 years now and I love kisses and cuddles from my boys, I even have leads to take them out for walks, even if it doesn't happen so much at the moment their little dook-y faces when they get to roll around in long grass makes it all the more fun 😉

I wouldn't say that moving in for financial reasons is a bad idea, I moved in with Sam after 4/5 months because I couldn't afford my flat anymore and we're going pretty well, but we could be a one off scenario, don't want to give any promises but it's worked pretty well for us.

As for the hair hair, just ask, you have nothing to lose but something to gain 🙂

Agree with Wicked Pixie completely, just ask your boss what is acceptable.  I'm sure he would respect you for asking his opinion and that would probably even strengthen your working relationship.

LOL - a ferret!  I love that idea too!  Something you can take out for walks that can strike up conversation with others, I think a pet is a great idea.

Funnily enough, my partner suggested I move in with him when he saw my extensive monthly finances... and it's been over six years now.  But he's just not one to express his feelings (at all!), so that may just have been his way of saying he was okay to live together.

LOL - a ferret!  I love that idea too!  Something you can take out for walks that can strike up conversation with others, I think a pet is a great idea.

Five Things Ferrets do Best Just in case you'd like a little convincing 😉 Ignore what people say about the smell, they smell about as much as a dog or a cat do! I.e. if you don't change their bedding they'll smell, but if they sleep in laundry fresh bedding they'll smell like laundry lol You can bath them as well and they're usually pretty good with it if you get them used to it as kits. Also, nip train nip train nip train! But definitely get a pair of ferrets, I think :p I have a dog as well and the ferrets are much much less demanding than her, they weigh less as well when they want cuddles hehe

Awwww, what a lovely video! I love ferrets, and your bunch are adorable. The last ferret we had was a big silver mittted male called Digby. He was fun to take for walks, but he did a lot more playing than actual walking

Oh they aren't mine hehe, mine are slowly turning into old men unfortunately but their grassy walks perk them up but like you say, they're not the best for ACTUAL walking, more watching them cause mischief somewhere new 😛

I am currently building a ferret cage! The idea totally sunk in, so much that I've been lurking all over ferret internet pages and forgot to report back here xD
I can't watch the video because Germany blocks it but I watched a lot of other vids on youtube too.
I've been to a pet shop and to a ferret breeder and saw adult ones and tiny little cuties <3 Should have seen my hands after that, they were scratched everywhere xD
Tomorrow I'll go to a ferret shelter and see what they have 🙂 But I guess I'll get adult ones, at least 1 year old, as that's said to be much easier.

Thank you all for that great odea 🙂

I agreed with my bf that moving together wouldn't be the best idea currently, and we should talk about it again when I'm done studying.

That's amazing!! You're going to have so much fun!! 1 of mine is a rescue, we got him when he was 3 and he's the only real nipper but he came litter trained which was a bonus :p the 2 that we got as kits are much softer, bandit was handled so much that when you pick him up now he just smothers you in kisses! Oh my gosh I'm so excited for you!! Please update is with photos!!

Great news about the ferrets-to-be! You sound a lot happier with your life too.

Yeah I am a good bit better now.
My bf came to live with me for the past 2 weeks and it was great! With him here I can feel at home.
Now he's gone and I hope I can keep the good attitude somehow.
We talked a little about the whole moving together thing, and he thinks we can do it when I'm done studying, and maybe we could even look for a new place together. Because I don't really like his current flat as it is; it's dirty and dark and a typical "single-man-flat", it just kinda says "No woman belongs here". And each time I started to change something, the next time I was there it was back.
I met a new friend, she also lives alone and doesn't know many people here plus she's single, and I seriously can't imagine how she can be happy with that. I wish I could be so happy too. But she's great and makes me feel a bit better.

That's the ferret cage atm:
Tomorrow I'm going to visit a person selling her ferrets, I'm pretty excited 🙂

Work has gotten a little better as well, at least I have colleagues now who sometimes talk to me. Not like any kinda private stuff but well.

If your BF lives in a 'man flat' that is dirty and dark, that won't change if you live together lol You will either have to live like that or do all the housework. I have tried both and neither were fun. Just don't expect him to miraculously change, because that almost never happens.
It is sad that you can't even imagine being happy and single. I have been single for 12 years, and I like the fact that my happiness isn't dependent on someone else. Needing to be part of a couple makes you very vulnerable, I would be much more scared I was staying with the wrong person for the wrong reasons than I would be of being alone.

I think I worded that really wrong... because when my bf was here it was ok, he helped with the housework. I think his flat is the case of "given up" because he had a lot of problems (Depression) over the last years, and... do you know, when it is just too messy, you just give up when you realize how much you would have to do? But when it is still okay, you are able to keep it clean as it's just not that big of a pile to do.
He said he was ok to either renew everything in the flat, walls, floor, furniture, etc. or search something new (really expensive D:)

I didn't mean I couldn't imagine being happy single, but I mean being alone. I would be okay being single if I lived with my parents or maybe also with other people.
I just need people around me, I guess.